FreeFufu.com

I am putting the above question to all persons both in Ug and out in the diaspora. 

Of recent, there appears to be a rise of teenagers in certain parts of the globe external to Ug that are falling prey to the peer pressure and in most cases this leading them running into calcartion with the laws of these countries.  Juvenile/dentetion centres in the diaspora are now beginning to see our young gracing their institutions on convictions of related anti-social behaviour and other criminal accounts.  Such a blight on young persons' records is not only costing them a future in the employment sector within these countries but also in some cases leading them to loose status to these states as increasingly criminal convictions work against one's right to citizienship of that land.  In cases where citizienship has been granted, it is most often the case that it will be revoked once a criminal conviction is on their record.

The question posed is addressing youngsters who are brought out of Ug in their teens as opposed to those born out of Ug falling under the influences they find out here in the diaspora. Is it because of the immediate freedom in children rights that gives rise to the actions undertaken by teenagers when they come out of Ug or is there another driving force behind the increase in numbers of our young teens ending up behind bars out here in the diaspora?

Liz,

I hear you however allow me to add indifferent fathers to the list of causes.  Long gone are the days when I'll report you to your father helped put a truant child back in line. Not only have the men in our lives mellowed but out here their sons have as much as  become social companions instead of children. Together they play computer games, go for hockey, NBA, NFL, CFL and even rounds on town!! You may have heard of one father who went to his son's school lawyer in tow when his todler son was reprimanded for hacking into the school internet. What's to prevent this child from hacking into the government internet next time?

There're indeed many situations when our children suffer injustice but many of their learned  parents also turn a blind eye to the childrens bad behaviour. In the absence of immediate family many parents have after naming their children after grandpa X, grandma Y, favourite sister Z etc also granted these babies the same reverence they would accord the adults these children are named after. Long gone are the days when children got insipiring names like Bassajja Mivule, Muddu Awulira, Mukyala Kimuli, Mussajja Akazana etc. No wonder they've gone wild. These days a mother is the one who gets into trouble with the father for as much as raising her voice at the couple's child.

Let's restore mother in motherhood and let the men recover their spines and our children will naturally follow. Parenthood is about right and wrong and not about populism. Out here you see mothers lose weight and  think its the gym or diet but many are in silent pain for their wayward children and on that note lets applaud Sugarbabes for speaking out at last.

BTW any incident referred to here is strictly for academic reasons and not personal ones should anybody feel offended.

Happy Thanks Giving/ Columbus Weekend to those affected.     

Here's Billy Cosby on us: 

Bill Cosby to Blacks: Stop Blaming 'The White Man'
By Marc Morano
CNSNews.com Senior Staff Writer
July 02, 2004

Chicago (CNSNews.com) - Bill Cosby pleaded with blacks to stop blaming the "white man" for their problems on Thursday, and he reiterated his harsh critique of the current state of African-American culture.

"It is almost analgesic to talk about what the white man is doing against us, and it keeps a person frozen in their seat. It keeps you frozen in your hole that you are sitting in to point up and say, 'That's the reason why I am here.' We need to stop this," Cosby said in an address before Jesse Jackson's 33rd Annual Rainbow/PUSH Coalition conference in Chicago.

The 66-year-old Cosby struck an introspective tone. "There is a time, ladies and gentlemen, when we have to turn the mirror around," he told the crowd of 500 people at the Sheraton hotel.

Cosby bristled at any notion that he should tone down his views so they will not be taken out of context and exploited.

"I couldn't care less about what white people think about me at this time," he said to loud applause.

"Let them talk! What are they saying that is different from what their grandfather said? What are they doing or trying to do to us that their grandfathers didn't try to do to us? But what is different is what we are doing to ourselves," Cosby said.

The entertainer has been at the center of a racially charged controversy since May when he ridiculed the poor grammar of some blacks. "I can't even talk the way these people talk, 'Why you ain't,' 'Where you is' ... and I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk," Cosby said in Washington, D.C. on May 17, at an event marking the anniversary of the Brown v. Board of Education desegregation ruling.

On Thursday, Cosby urged blacks to take personal responsibility for their lives, and he hinted that social welfare programs may be having unintended consequences for African-Americans.

"The housing project was set up for you to move in, move up, and move out," he said.

Being poor had a different meaning to older generations, according to Cosby.

"If you go up to people -- when you ask them and you say, 'Were you poor?' they would say, 'No, no, our parents were broke, but we were not poor.' There was a spirit in that house," he explained.

His message to black people who say he's exposing the "dirty laundry" of the black community was blunt.

"Let me tell you something, your dirty laundry gets out of school at 2:30 every day. It's cursing and calling each other '***' as they're walking up and down the street. They think they hip -- can't read, can't write -- 50 percent of them," he said.

'An accepted word'

Cosby stressed the importance of education and proper parenting.

"The more you invest in that child, the more you are not going to let some CD tell your child how to curse and how to say the word '***.' This is an accepted word. You are so hip with '***,' but you can't even spell it," an impassioned Cosby lamented

Whatever happened to 'Black is beautiful?' Well, it was replaced with '*** please,'" he said to laughter.

Cosby's message on Thursday was part common sense and part shock value.

"Education, ladies and gentleman, respect the elderly, respect for yourselves, respect for others," Cosby said.

"These young girls have no business having sex!" he emphasized as the crowd clapped approvingly.

"We got too many young girls who don't know how to parent, turning themselves into parents. Ladies and gentlemen, our little eight-year-old boys, nine-year-old boys, having erections and only acting out that which they see and hear on some CD. They're acting that out and they don't know the damage that they are doing when they rape some little girl nine years old and what they have done to her whole life. It's time to stop!" an animated Cosby said.

Cosby also took on the pop culture of music, movies and television.

"When you put on a record, and that record is yelling '*** this' and '*** that' and cursing all over the thing and you got your little six-year-old and seven-year-old sitting in the back seat of the car -- those children hear that. And I am telling you when you put it the CD on and then you get up and dance to it -- What are you saying to your children?" he asked.

"Eight-year-old, nine-year-old boys have no business teaming up to rape a nine-year or ten-year-old girl. And if it's in that TV set, don't bring it into your home, if it's on your record player, don't bring it in your home," he said.

"We are going to call each other names of ugliness. Comedians coming on TV [saying] 'I am so ugly, you are ugly, yuck, yuck.' That's all minstrel show stuff. I am tired of it," he continued.

"I am talking about profanity. I am talking about cursing at each other like it's something hip, like it's something that's right. I am talking about people calling each other a name that there are still -- if DNA goes to the Mississippi River-- you are gong to find African blood in there, dead from being called *** and then hacking them," he added.

Sounding like a motivational preacher at times, Cosby even joked "I can just talk for 12 hours on this and not have a collection."

'Taken care of at home'

Parents have to take charge of their children as part of a "parent power" plan, according to Cosby.

"You going to tell me that you are going to drop out of school? You are going to tell me that you are going to steal from a store? These things need to be taken care of in the home," he said to applause.

"Where did we get so comfortable -- when and who gave us the word that said, 'You don't need to know how to read and write again?'" Cosby asked.

"Before you get to the point where you say, 'I can't do nothing with them,' I am just saying, 'Do something with them,'" he added.

Today's generation of African-American youth does not appreciate or understand the sacrifices of its elders, Cosby said.

"Understand, your children have to know where you came from. And they have to know about those people hanging [during the civil rights struggles] and how when they did hang them on a Sunday, the theme song was "Amazing Grace." That is what they sang when the bodies were hanging. Your children don't know that, your grandchildren don't know it," he said.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it hurts, it hurts, because these children don't know about their poor mothers and fathers, they don't know about how there was no done deal [regarding the civil rights struggle]," he explained.

Too many African-Americans are not motivated to better their life, Cosby said.

"The analgesic of cursing and profanity and standing around and just letting the day go by and wake up the next morning to start your next day of moving this day along -- you'll have no picture that is large enough to take you out of where you going," he said.

'Going nowhere'

Cosby focused much of his attention on African-American youth.

"They put themselves on the train, you know, the buses, and they don't even care what color or what age somebody else is, it's about them and their cursing and grabbing each other and laughing and giggling and they're going nowhere. Their book bags are very, very thin," he added.

Cosby also pleaded with black men to improve their ways.

"Young men and old men, you've gotta stop beating up your women because you didn't find a job, because you didn't want to get an education and now you are [earning] minimum wage. You should have thought more of yourself when you were in high school," he said.

"When you beat up your woman, when you beat up your wife, those little children are watching, it's almost irreparable, you can't get it back what you've done to that child," he added.

Cosby's own personal life has come under scrutiny in the past for his admitted extra marital affair with a woman named Shawn Byers in the 1970s. Byers' daughter, Autumn Jackson, has publicly claimed that Cosby is her father.

Jackson was convicted of extortion because of her attempts to blackmail Cosby. Cosby has denied he is Jackson's father, but he admitted providing financial support for her.

'Our people agree'

An emotional Jesse Jackson told the crowd on Thursday that many in the media have tried to exploit Cosby's words and divide the black community, but Jackson said it would not work.

"Bill is saying, 'Let's fight the right fight, let's level the playing field," Jackson explained. "Drunk people can't do that. Illiterate people can't do that," he added.

Earlier in the week, Jackson said, "Our people agree with Bill...Bill took it to another level. His point was to lift up and not tear down," he added.

Judge Greg Mathis, the no-nonsense star of the syndicated television program "The Judge Mathis Show", also spoke at the event and defended Cosby's words as well.

"We should not allow anyone, any media, to try and turn us against one who is indeed our father," Mathis said.

Modern Maama,

I don’t condone involving Lawyers in routine School disciplinary matters but I would understand if an able Black parent involved one. Our children have often got railroaded. But gal, I can’t get over those names of yours!! They remind me on some Afrocentic names I’ve heard: Shaniqua, Shaquana, Ashanti, Kenya, Saada, Rwenzori etc.

BTW happy Thanksgiving to U2 and happy Independence Day to us all though I wish we had more to show for it.

I applaud Bill Cosby for taking a stand, facing what would appear to be our nemesis in the black community - the person staring right back at us in the mirror.  It is about time we take responsibility of our actions for our future as opposed to lamenting over why it is difficult or hard - we should instead learn from our past and move on.  Life has and will never be easy for the black race - we need to lessen the obstacles that keep us underachieving and having such a low esteem of ourselves in all we do.  Thanks for sharing this article with us Liz.

Modernwoman, whilst as Liz has rightly said, routine involvement of lawyers in school matters is not a done deal, much depends on the matter in hand.  Without knowing the background to the situation that necessitated such action on the part of the parent, I'd air to caution to comment.  My only assumption is that perhaps the history had indicated to the parent who took action to ensure her/his rights in addition to that of the child were judiciary protected.  State-institutionalised discrimination is after all not a myth - though only by arming parents with the knowledge of what education is about in our communities that we come to settle in, will such scenarios not be required to take place.  How many parents from our communities actually take interest to join parent governing bodies of their children's local schools?  That said - how many parents actually make it to parents workshops to input whatever skills they havelet alone participate in school events as opposed to just attending fetes or fairs? 

I will try and restrict my observations to Ugians in some communities here on this sighting.  It would appear to be the case that the primary force behind of most Ugian settlers in the diaspora is to make money to improve upon not only their own but the livelyhoods of their relatives back in Ug.  Whilst this is not wrong entirely, unfortunately parenting is often sidelined in this case - giving rise to children being left to the TV or other devices for childminding. You'd be amazed to find that in such communities how each room will contain a TV set with all sundry to keep the kids out of the parents hair.  Attending school is looked upon as a free babysitting service - and most look forward to their children starting school so that they are freed up to work more profitably in whichever lucrative business going.  Spending money on childcare is very expensive and where it's offered by the state - discipline is frequently questionable.  Often the easy option is the one mostly taken by those who feel they have less choice to bargain - most frequently it is to leave the kids to their own devices.

When some parents are trying to hold down 1-3 jobs in the pursuit of reaching a given target towards attaining what they feel they need to - priority towards their offspring often falls down the ladder of what's most important.  When exactly does "quality" family life come into play if both parents are too busy working 24/7 but yet are not putting into place measures which are supportive to both the emotional and physical development of their young (let alone their own relationship for that matter)?  Are these not the kind of conditions which when planning for our children to join us out here what we should contemplate foremost?

Should it not be that one works to enjoy the fruits of their labour, and not to be a slave to work?

On a lighter note: Happy Thanksgiving to you all and hopefully the independence day celebrations on Monday go down a treat for all fellow Ugians.  If not, just enjoy the bank holiday rest!

Millar,

Was this all that was taught or did some of our daughters miss out on some other etiquette and practice?

Nnabagereka takes youth through Ganda drills 

By Abu-baker Mulumba

WEEKLY OBSERVER

“Let us wake up to improve the upbringing of our children and fight their decaying morals otherwise we [parents] have given them little time. We spend more time working and that is why they decide to copy other things that can never help them,” the Nnabagereka Sylvia Nagginda said while opening Ekisaakaate (royal enclosure) 2007.

On January 7, a group of 300 children aged between 10 and 15 camped at St. Agnes Naggalama in Mukono District to be taught about cultures, traditions and morals of a good Muganda.

Under the motto: Kola, Yiga, Laba (work, learn, see) the activities that take place in the Ekisaakaate running till January 21 teach about responsibilities in a home. Girls are taught how to cook; this was demonstrated by Mrs. Catherine Muliika wife to the Katikkiro of Buganda, as the Nnabagereka taught them how to shell groundnuts.

“Never use polythene to cook food; we use banana leaves and you have to sit down and cover yourself properly and not squat. That is how a Muganda woman does it,” Mrs. Muliika said. The boys too are taught house chores like pounding groundnuts, among other things.

There is also a session in self-defence where instructors Haruna Ssentumbwe and Moses Kiwanuka take them through kungu-fu drills that would make former Vice President Speciosa Kazibwe proud. More emphasis was put on girls who are attacked often by men with intention to rape or defile them.

The children also tour cultural sites such as the royal tombs, to know their heritage better. Every child had to pay Shs 100,000 for food and other necessities, something that did not amuse deputy presidential press secretary Tamale Mirundi, who thought that organisers were after making money. He wanted the initiative to be free of charge.

But the minister of education in the Buganda government, Sauda Namyalo, defended the cost: “We are not going to feed these people on posho and beans but a special diet, yet Buganda does not collect taxes. But thank God the parents understand and they are willing to give us their children even next year.”

abaker@ugandaobserver.com

How can an everyday Ug afford that kind of a price to send their daughters and sons to a 21 day culture class lesson?.  It seems to me what they are teaching expecially to the girls can be learned at home.  I think this program is designed for the rich spoiled brats

My two cents

Modern Woman,

I don’t think this had anything to do with the thicket and bidet!

Qsheeba,

I’ve seen some Ssenga seminars at expensive Buganda functions in the Diaspora so I think that while expensive, there’s a real need for the said service. Plus it’s the rich who mostly delegate their children’s upbringing and mentoring to boarding schools and hired help that need and can afford this service.

Ok then. Wot happened to all the donations (foodstuff, footwear, clothing, money, etc) that were made by most of the BIG companies in Uganda to this Kisakaate thing?

Can u believe most of these kids had mobile phones and were visited by their spoiling parents everyday?

Oh my! Times are indeed changing - fast at that, I think I've prolly missed this boat!   Either that or it didn't have a port to stop where I was.

Cellphones/mobiles are the order of day for this school curriculum?  Why in God's name are mobiles required in schools let alone boarding schools at that? So the kids are actually going to be graduating in scales of texting, comparisons of ring-tones if not brand names and costs of their mobiles. Let's hope the kids don't move on to videowing their escapades of happy slapping! 

In all seriousness however, parents ought to be responsible in their actions because at the end of the day, their offspring will be using them as a rule of judgement for their own actions.  Sounds to me like the parents are becoming the servants to their childrens' whims - either that or they are too caught up with using their kids as social class reflections.

Modern Woman: with that info from Liz, does that now mean you will not be enrolling your offspring into there? Millar - I am almost scared to hear your input!!!

Liz -  Darn right those fees to Sengas can be astronomical but it mostly depends on what one seeks to get out of it and this is a one-off fee.  I understand there's videos and such.  You are also right in that those that can afford find their committments match the demands.  It's a case of weighing up one's personal priorities.

Liz,

Spoilsport ! Just let Milar clue us in!  However now that you’ve raised that point it also dawn on me that many of those kids’ parents hardly have a clue themselves being boarding/ prep school products.

SugarB,

Legendary days when it took the whole village to raise an African  child were also probably those when everybody knew and trusted their neighbours. These days one is lucky to know the neighbour’s name let alone speak the same language. Those parents are just struggling to keep track of their children. I personally understand their plight.

Kaks if indeed these kids had cell phones, it proves my point.  The program is designed for the rich and the parents who could not be bothered to teach there children anything.  They would rather send them to others to do the teaching.

I was a stay at home mom.  I joined the work force when my kids where older.  I chose to work at night so I could do all the teaching of everyday skills myself.  It was hard, but I made it.

SB, my daughter maybe assigned to be in London for about 6 months, who knows; if she is, I told her last night that my bags are packed.  She will be in London again starting Wednesday I guess laying the ground work for being stationed there for 6 months.

Welcome to the 21st century. changing family structure and values. This has been creeping up on us for decades.  The African one is still the pre industrial family structure and values. If you are an African family or parent bringing your children from Africa to the west, those are some of the realities yo have to face, In the west, child care is a monetised  and institutionalised. They give yourr children all sorts" trash "in the name of child protection, children's right and so on.Over the years , it has become inecesary or both parent to work in order to make ends meet , unlike the past when only one  member of the household needed to work in order to adeqately support his family.. when this happens you have children who are ocupationally ophaned,  A lot of thier valuues are stariaght from the tv and other madia sources, adverts, etc.

Liz: Thank for the piece by Bill cosby. however blacks in America have made significant progress over the decades. for example minorities there make up only 12% of th epopulation yet they are responsible for more than half of its dominating cultural norm, language music and fashion. Afro ameircans now hold very many high profile public positions / offices. Blaming whites implies they have to sort the problem for blacks. Many whites suffer the same fate as blacks, so maybe its not only racism but class as well

Modern Woman - Whilst I see your point, I beg to differ on this phenomenon sweeping certain communities within Ug.  Why not just go all out for tracking devices akeen to those placed on criminals or vehicles if that is the only reason? If security is so tricky as to require equiping your child with a cellphone/mobile in an educational institution in Ug perhaps the parents might be better off keeping their kids elsewhere.

 QS - That's really good news.  How did the weekend go btw? I look forward to hosting you and meeting your daughter. 

TKO - Products of globalisation is what we see, there's positives and negatives to experience and live out.  Let's try and build on the positives and encourage each other whilst also intergrating certain aspects (and indeed there's such a variety!) of our cultures.

SugarB

As a parent one will usually wish the world for their children and we at times despite the best of our intentions go overboard. Unfortunately kids especially pubescent and teenagers will usually get whatever they fancy, whether from their parents or from other sources.

Better the doting parent provides for the child than the neighbourhood dealer or pimp or any   creature that preys on the young. There’s a lot our own parents didn’t necessarily approve of that they bought us anyway. I should note though that children usually won’t persistently ask for what their parents never led them to believe affordable. It’s in this context that parents are  responsible for their children’s excesses.

The gentlemen seem to be quiet on this issue. Is this a ladies only issue? C'mon guys, where r @ when family related threads open.

I do not agree that parents equip kids with mobiles just so pimps won't. Wouldn't they just be making it easy 4 the pimp to cantact the kid(s)? I would think the parent should instill in the kid the right values to enable the kid overcome negative peer pressure. 

Liz - you hit the nail on the head there when you inadvertently state that overall responsibility rests with the parents.  Whilst I agree entirely with you on us parents doting on our children and wanting the world for them,  I keep this sentiment in mind whenever my kids are pushing for something just because their friends have it etc: "there's nothing wrong with wanting - just weigh it up against what you need".  If the need is greater to the want, I will bend to pressure to conform.

I'm not perfect - I too Kaks have fallen into this emotional trap with ma kids, if only just that I relented only when they were in high school and point blank refused to consider giving them mobiles in primary school when all of their school friends were carrying them.  Public payphones were being vandalised so much and since the kids were making their own way to-fro school, I needed to make sure they could get hold of someone in an emergency.  However interestingly enough when they go away for school trips that require them to be boarders, cellphones are banned and we parents are given one emergency number to call.

What intrigues me with this story about kids being handed cellphones in Ug is that these kids are in boarding school.  One of the majore points if I recall being sent away to boarding school was so that one could learn to be independent from home life and learn to interact with others and not be running home to report each and every little detail back as if on a live show.